A city saved by a cloud.

The Illusion of Control

At the climax of World War II’s Pacific conflict, two Japanese cities narrowly avoided destruction. Their savior? A tourist’s favoritism and a cloudy day. Historical records indicate that the U.S. Secretary of War had a fondness for Kyoto (the first intended target) after visiting with his wife, and that the third intended target, Kokura, was clouded over, preventing the pilots from being able to hit their target. The planes flew over Kokura but diverted to Nagasaki to complete the mission. The term "Kokura's Luck" became part of the Japanese language to describe narrowly avoiding disaster without being aware of it.

I first heard the story of ‘Kokura’s Luck’ while walking through a season of uncertainty in my own life. It stopped me in my tracks: How many times had I narrowly avoided disaster without ever knowing? How often had I clung to control, when it was grace or sheer luck that shaped the path ahead?

There are so many variables happening all around us all the time. While we’re often compelled to want to control and optimize our circumstances, we have to recognize that there are infinite factors, and most - if not all - we cannot control. 

In epochs of change, the human instinct is to resist change, to cultivate stability and constancy, and to attempt to gain control of as many factors as possible. The deep human desire to be in control is at the heart of so much conflict. 

Professor Brian Klaas, who tells the stories of Kokura and Nagasaki alongside other strokes of fate, suggests that “every moment is producing ripple effects that we may not understand or that we may never see, but that they're meaningful”. 

How can we approach challenges, knowing that we want to be in control but that the infinite factors prevent us from attaining certainty? 

In short:

• Notice what you can truly control, e.g. what you eat, how you speak, whether you ask for help. 

• Notice what you can’t control but you can influence, e.g. someone else’s behavior, a client or colleague’s decisions, social change in your community.

• Notice what you care, worry, or are concerned about, e.g. weather, economy, world events, other people’s opinions.

Focus on taking ownership of what you can actually control, cultivating trust in the areas you can influence, and letting go of your concerns. You can still care deeply, but act where it matters.

A simple way to begin is to write it down: 

• Write down what’s fully within your control.

• Name what you can influence but not dictate.

• Acknowledge what you care about but can’t change.

In a recent coaching session, a client said, ‘I know I should let go, but I don't even know what that means.’ Together, we mapped out her circles of control, influence, and concern, and a shift happened. She stopped trying to change other people’s minds and instead started showing up differently herself.

If you or someone you know is navigating uncertainty, I’d love to help explore where you do have agency and how to move forward with clarity and courage. Let’s map our circles together.

And What Else:

Explore these questions, and embrace the challenge to dig deeper, asking what else might be relevant to answer. 

• Honor Yourself: ”What do you wish you could fully control?”

• Explore Curiously: “What could be some benefits of letting go of control?”

• Foster Trust: “What can you consistently do to cultivate the influence you want?”

• Shift Perspectives: “What do you not need to concern yourself with?”

• Clarify Decisions: “What actions are most important for you to prioritize?”

• Empower Action: “What could be one next step for this week?”

Nuggets of Work-Life

Every coaching session and workshop closes with acknowledging learnings, insights, and moments of celebration. Here are a few of my recent nuggets:

• Last month, I wrapped up a series of courses for the TranslaStars learning community. It was a delight to explore career pivots and some best practices for managing people and teams. Both courses are recorded and available via TranslaStars. Check out the comments from the course participants here. 

• I spent time visiting family over the last few weeks in places where I’ve made significant life memories. I noticed how the scents of familiar places created emotional reactions like calmness. Here’s to celebrating all five senses and mind-body awareness. 

Practice Makes … Space for More Practice

• A pastime: I’ve had a morning meditation practice for about 4 years. For me, personally, meditation offers a moment to breathe intentionally and to become aware of my presence and my mindset. It’s like a start button to boot my “operating system.” I recently opted to set aside a few minutes midday as well. Nothing like “have you tried turning it off and back on?” to keep the energy going.

• A recipe: As summer turns to peak ripeness, I’m thinking of my family’s beloved tomato pie. Make or buy a pie crust, and blind bake the crust. Place sliced tomatoes between paper towels to absorb some moisture. Cover the bottom of the pie crust with tomato slices. Sprinkle with salt and paper. Combine ½ cup of mayonnaise or greek yogurt with 2 cups of grated cheddar cheese, 1-2 tablespoons chopped basil, and 1-2 tablespoons of chopped chives. Dot the mixture over the tomatoes. Bake at 400 °F for 20-30 minutes.

• A movement: Need a quick reset from stress? Try a physiological sigh. Breathe in deeply through your nose. Add a quick, short inhale to pack in more air. Open the mouth and exhale everything. Repeat 2-3 times: long inhale, short inhale, long exhale.

Ways to Engage and Support

I just launched a special offer where I’ll gift one pro-bono coaching session per month. While the winner for June has been chosen, you can fill out this form (or send it to someone you know!) to express your interest in receiving a free coaching session in future months. By entering, you’ll be registered for any subsequent months, too.

In joy,
Stephen