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Alternative Facts
To reinforce the reality and beliefs we want, we need to observe our thoughts with curiosity.
Can a question really change your life?
If I would argue yes, I’d also argue that you’d need to believe it could be possible in order for it to be true. It’s not quite a fact. But the power of things that aren’t necessarily factual is that they’re open to becoming true–if we allow them to be. They’re equally open to becoming untrue. It’s up to you.
Eight years ago, news cycles were in love with “alternative facts” versus falsehoods. Most of us learned to distinguish facts from opinions in grade school, yet we rarely agree to disagree. More often than not, disagreement strains relationships. Both parties want to be right, convinced that their version of reality is the truth. But an attachment to being right can be a surefire path to self-isolation.
In the age of “fake news,” fact-checking has extended beyond journalism to be a skill for simple social functioning. Yet while we scrutinize external sources, how often do we apply that same scrutiny inward? Self-awareness and self-management come well before social functioning in Daniel Goleman’s foundational stages of emotional intelligence, yet we tend to focus our energy outward–on convincing, correcting, or defending. What if we turned that energy inward, toward examining our own thoughts and stories?

Are your thoughts trash… or treasure? What we discard or cherish is often a matter of perspective.
What would it look like if we employed fact checkers in our own minds? The human brain generates tens of thousands of thoughts daily, many of them skewed negative, casting doubt on our realities. High-alert vigilance is a good mindset to avoid a tiger in the jungle, but not necessarily a helpful frame of mind for the modern world. To reinforce the reality and beliefs we want, we need to observe our thoughts with curiosity. A client recently told me that she couldn’t speak up against her boss. But after some reflection, she concluded: “My people-pleasing may be there, but I don’t have to act on it. It’s helpful to know I don’t have to assume…” The initial assumption wasn’t supporting her well-being, and upon reflection, it wasn’t necessarily true. She could speak up–respectfully–and doing so helped her get what she wanted.
This is a form of anti-self-gaslighting. (Gaslighting manipulates people into doubting their own reality, and sometimes we do it to ourselves.) Self-awareness allows us to hold space for both truth and possibility. We don’t need to deny our experiences; we need to examine the stories running through our minds and ask: Are these “facts” strengthening or undermining my well-being? What mindset would be most helpful?
And What Else:
Explore these questions, and embrace the challenge to dig deeper, asking what else might be relevant to answer.
Empower Action: “What’s a truth that I want to believe?”
Clarify Decisions: "What is one assumption I hold that might not be serving me?"
Shift Perspectives: “What could be some alternative ways of thinking?”
Explore Curiously: “What physical actions could support me to drop old stories?”
Foster Trust: “How does an internal fact-check support my well-being?”
Honor Yourself: “What facts does my future self believe are possible?”
Nuggets of Work-Life
Every coaching session and workshop closes with acknowledging learnings, insights, and moments of celebration. Here are a few of my recent nuggets:
This month, I’m closing a coaching series with a cohort of new managers from a corporate client. They’re all spectacular professionals and extremely intelligent in their fields but were looking for some upskilling as they began managing teams. I’m in awe to watch them shift from anticipation into professional confidence and to close the journey with each of them feeling complete.
The Caveday online-focus community is celebrating relationships this month. It’s helped me reflect on, The Good Life, a great book I received from my dad last year. Did you know investing in relationships is the #1 predictor of health and happiness in life? Here’s your permission to return the call, email, letter, or text, even if it’s been months or years.
Mercedes-Benz BeVisioneers, for which I mentor, invited me to talk to their young entrepreneurs on the topics of business plans and stakeholder management. Engaging with changemakers is such an inspiration, and I encourage you to consider applying to be a mentor for the upcoming year.
Practice Makes … Space for More Practice
A pastime: yoga! I made a commitment for my personal and professional growth to resume teaching yoga, and I offered a family/friends class this week. Breathing is a key element of yoga, and something we can practice anytime, anywhere. In particular, I’ve been embracing sama-vritti, or equal-measure, breathing. It’s simply focused on making the inhale and exhale the same length of time. Try counting down from 4, 5, or 6 as you inhale, and repeat as you exhale.
A recipe: While spring seems to be on the horizon, winter hasn’t quite packed her bags. I’ve got my eye on this French Onion Soup.
A movement: I joined a special workshop at the invitation of a close friend. The facilitator introduced us to the concept of butterfly tapping, a tool to support calming the nervous system. Give it a gentle try the next time you feel even the slightest bit overwhelmed.
Ways to Engage and Support
The right question at the right time can shift everything. That’s why I’m creating ‘And What Else?’—a deck of prompts designed to challenge, stretch, and support your growth. I’m getting ready to order the first production prototype. (Pinch me, it’s been a labor of love!) Write to me if you’d like to sign up to receive an early copy.

I also have space for new coaching clients in the coming weeks. For professionals who are driven to move forward but feel stuck treading water, my coaching supports you to gain confidence, clarity, and calm. Together, we’ll clear the noise, define what enough looks like for you, move beyond discomfort, and think strategically. Let’s connect and see if it’s the right fit for you or someone you know.
If you benefitted from reading this, feel free to share with a friend or reply and let me know what you are taking away. Stay tuned for next month’s newsletter, and feel free to request a topic. (I’m thinking about Transitions… how about you)
In joy,
Stephen