Can we really do hard things?

6 years ago, just a few months into the pandemic that none of us knew would turn into a lifetime, American author Glennon Doyle launched her memoir Untamed into the world. Untaming herself from social expectations, she emboldened her readers and followers with the “we can do hard things” mantra, which became the title of her podcast and subsequent book. 

I find the whole “we can do hard things” thing - at times - to be empowering and emboldening. 
“Yes, I’m going to be the one that rids the working world of narcissism!” (Honestly, I’m only half joking about my ambitions here…)
And at the same time, how much risk should I be taking on in a world that sometimes seems to scream “EMERGENCY! Seek comfort and control.”?
I mean, should I be going up against 18% of CEOs? (Yes, stats suggest that’s how many demonstrate narcissist personality traits.)

Can we really do hard things? 

In the middle of a crisis, a breakup, or burnout, hard things do not feel doable at all; they just feel heavy and impossible. Heck, I’m not even in a crisis, and sometimes sitting down to answer an email or write feels like climbing Mt Everest, no sherpa, no oxygen tank, no map. 

Like the first steps of a couch to 5K program, the process of naming hard things or getting them onto the to-do list can sometimes feel like it merits taking a break already. Maybe it does. Doing hard things can be exhausting. Curiosity-whiz Michael Bungay Stanier suggests that easy changes are ones where we can see the problem and figure out the solution, whereas hard changes require “installing a new operating system”. 

We can live a whole life resolving the easy changes, putting off the bigger, more daunting needs and questions. But … choosing discipline, facing one’s fears, exercising, saving money, learning difficult skills, and practicing patience are stepping stones toward long-term rewards. Discipline and consistency are hard choices and sometimes require rewiring to lead us to health, freedom, security, and peace of mind. 

In the prolific words of weightlifter Jerzy Gregorek: "Easy choices, hard life; hard choices, easy life."

The suggestion here isn’t so different from my love of the word discomfort (ask me about it if I’ve never mentioned it in a coaching session with you!). Life is rather boring when we deal with only the shallow, low hanging fruit in our lives. Some of the juicier, more lush and nourishing rewards come from doing the hard work of climbing the ladder - or ascending sans-ladder - to the higher branches. 

In a season ripe with evolution and growth in nature, summer might be the opportunity to embrace hard change. But even accepting or admitting the need for personal change “in this economy” might be a hard thing. 

How might we feel mighty in a world full of maybes, when safety and life rafts feel richer than freely floating?

After a decade as an active Boy Scout, I was struck by our captain’s introductory safety briefing on my sailing trip last month. 

“Safety is not number 1,” he started. “If safety were the first priority, you would stay at home and not go anywhere. There are inherent risks in sailing…” and he proceeded to help us understand the risks and precautionary measures. 

Is safety your only priority, or do you want to get moving? 
Can we really do hard things? 
The answer, in the wise words of one of my crewmates, “No risk, no risk.”

And What Else?

In the lead up to launching the And What Else? coaching card deck later this year, I’m switching up this section of the newsletter. Rather than a question from each category (Honor Yourself, Explore Curiously, Foster Trust, Shift Perspectives, Clarify Decisions, Empower Action), I’ll introduce you to one set of questions following the And What Else? card format. Drop me a message if you’re curious to pre-order - 52 cards, more than 200 questions. Your insights!

This month’s prompts, from the category Empower Action:

Nuggets of Work-Life

Every coaching session and team workshop closes with acknowledging learnings, insights, and moments of celebration. Here are a few of my recent nuggets:

• After 6 weeks of twice-weekly coaching, one of my clients recently came to me mentioning that he’s so tired of experiencing hardship. He said he’s steadily working out of it, seeing his own cycles, and deciding to not get sucked into it. That’s… huge! 

• I recently discovered “shoot your shot Wednesdays,” and I love Anna’s reminders as we consider stretching beyond our comfort zones: “If you want to become the unapologetic, courageous, bold person you know you can be, you have to teach yourself that the Earth doesn’t stop spinning with a swing and a miss. Your fear doesn’t register in the hearts and minds of people who saw your email and didn’t have bandwidth to respond. They simply don’t care. No one does.” Today’s Wednesday… just saying. Send me an email once you’ve shot your shot. ;) Or don’t. No one will care if you do, but you might guilt yourself if you don’t, and we don’t need to be blaming ourselves. 

• Another client who I worked with last month shared: “with other coaches or professionals, I've somehow felt they wanted to provide a solution to the struggle, and often felt I had to justify myself or provide evidence that I was actually already doing things to find a job, but this was not the case with Stephen. I really felt his presence and his willingness to go deeper." Thanks for your trust, M. I’m grateful I could help you to create this depth.

Practice Makes … Space for More Practice

After years (this is monthly post #36!) of sharing pastimes, recipes, and movements that we can practice together or alone, this newsletter section is asking for a revamp. 

Would you do me the favor to reply and let me know what you’re practicing lately and/or what your relationship with the word practice is?

Ways to Engage and Support

We are rapidly approaching mid-calendar year (July 2 is halfway day, if you live under Julius Caesar). Whether your year started in January or (like mine) in April, the summer solstice invites a moment to pause, look at where you started, and re-orient where you’re going.

If you want support navigating your current chapter, here are two ways we can do it:

• The Transitions Workbook (€99): This is my self-paced digital companion (with audio narration) designed to help you check in with your current chapter, where you started, and where you’re going. It’s there for you to dig into at your own speed this summer. 

• 1-on-1 Coaching: If you’ve been reading this newsletter and waiting for the right time to dive into dedicated coaching, I have space to take on a few new clients before I take some time off in late-August. We can use the workbook as our launchpad, or map out a custom journey together.

Just reply to this email if you want to explore what that looks like.

If you’re a coach or you know a coach who wants to explore their “advice monster,” invite them to join our book club on July 20. We’ll have one other discussion in August.

Otherwise, I wish you all a very happy Midsummer!

In joy,
Stephen